i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
