why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
