Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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