I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
