so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
