thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
