Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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