Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
