at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
