I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
