i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
