wanna go halves on a baby?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
