I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
