His pubic hair was longer than his dick
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
