Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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