from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
