and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
