i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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