remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
