the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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