Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I need a beard to bite.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
