the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
