Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Randomize
