Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
babies were throwing up all over the place
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
