Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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