Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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