you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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