woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
bring money and cleavage
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
