did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
