these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
