I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
