So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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