I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
