Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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