ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
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