I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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