just come out here and I will go home with you...
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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