loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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