You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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