is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
