Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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