I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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