Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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