Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
