Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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