It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
