My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
