My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Randomize
