at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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