I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
