i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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