I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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