Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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